What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
