just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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