You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
