That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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