so explain again why im purple
no
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
