so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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