Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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