Ambien. No doubt about it.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
