By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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