she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You are a genius and a whore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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