found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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