Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's blow job season.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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