You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
