Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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