man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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