i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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