so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
