I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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