Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
