Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
