I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
