I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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