I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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