Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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