Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
