I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
