You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
