Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
