some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
