my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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