yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
high people should be assigned attendants
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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