I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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