Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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