pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
