dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize