Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
