Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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