Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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