I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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