She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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