I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
