so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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