i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
