Umm I'm too high to move.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
