Where are you?
In a non slutty way
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
