If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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