opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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