Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
