If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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