WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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