I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
