No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
