need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have aggressive nipples.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
