Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
