hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
