It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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