I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
