How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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