dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
try to milk me bitch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
