i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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