before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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