You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
