Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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