Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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