Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
