if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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