If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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