I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
