i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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