are you still at the devil's house?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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