Ambien. No doubt about it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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