Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
