YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
