I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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